I never thought it was such a bad little tree. It's not bad at all, really. Maybe it just needs a little love.

Christmas is here! I don't know about the 2 people who actually read my blog. But Christmas is the best time of year. Today I was thinking about the best gift I have ever got at Christmas. I couldn't think of one thing. Then I thought about the best gift I had given. I thought of a few years ago when my family did a sub for Santa who was struggling to make ends meet. That was the best gift I had given.

Service.

"It is by serving that we learn to serve. When we are engaged in the service of our fellowmen, not only do our deeds assist them, but we put our own problems in a fresher perspective. When we concern ourselves more with others, there is less time to be concerned with ourselves. In the midst of the miracle of serving, there is the promise of Jesus, that by losing ourselves, we find ourselves."

Spencer W. Kimball

I have been trying to think of someone I can serve, someone I can help. I keep looking for this great service project I can do for someone that can change there lives. Truth of the matter is, I have been giving simple acts of service without even noticing. I gave a 20 to a homeless man, who I felt a strong spirit he needed it. I sat next to a friend at work as he was passing on, and needed comfort as the veil grew thin. I thought I was helping them, when in reality they where helping me. I needed them more then they needed me.

Everything happens for a reason.

I am a believer in this.

Looking someone in the eye and Forgiving them is liberating
Praying for answers and finding them is strengthening
Finding something that was once last is relieving
making a fool of yourself and being able to laugh at it is priceless
Realizing that everything does happen for a reason is finding faith

Lose your self in service for others. I am trying. So that I can find myself.

I am just going to throw some goals of mine out there so hopefully i can stick to them:
Side note:these are in no particular order.

Become a Spanish soap opera star
Now before anyone makes a comment, this is legit. I am going to learn Spanish and pursue my dream of living a dramatic life of dying lovers, and finding my long lost twin brother in the body of a cat named edwardo. All in Spanish. The only Spanish I know right now is "no bueno". Ill keep working on it.

grow up to be a vampire slayer:
I know vampires aren't real. I'm not under any ideas they are. I just would love to be a vampire slayer. Idk why either. Don't ask questions. Yes I just abbreviated I don't know. Get over it. I am.

Sky dive:
This will be happening sooner then later. I have to face my fears one day. I might as well kill two birds with one stone. Flying and heights. It's not that I'm afraid of flying i just hate the idea of being up so high with the chance of falling. So I will just jump out of a plane. While having some man, strapped to my back, obviously.

Travel the world:
1. Italy
2. Africa
3. Egypt
4. Mexico
last but not least
5. North Carolina

Successfully not kill a plant:
I have killed two bamboo plants. Those are like the hardest to kill. I bought another one yesterday. lets see if he holds up. I blame my mother for not being able to keep plants alive. This is why she has no living plants in her home. It's genetic I am sure.

Temple marriage and family:
This is a given goal for me. I would have it no other way. Although I have no prospects at the moment I would even want to spend time and all eternity with. That's a long time. So I am ok to "shop around" for awhile.

Play Nazi zombie without being scared:
I am not very nerdy, but this is nerdy I know. this is the only game i play with my brother. Scares me every time.

Cook an intense meal:
I love to cook. And one day I want to cook a mean meal for a lot of people. Maybe Christmas dinner or thanksgiving.

Learn to shoot a gun:
I hate shooting, hunting, and any form or anything relating to killing animals. But I would like to learn how to shoot in case I ever need to "pop a cap in someones ass". I'm afraid to taz anyone with my tazer. So this is a little unrealistic i know. Vampire slaying I could do that though.

I want a dolphin:
I would like to own a dolphin. Before I wanted to put it in a tank in my house and call it chunk. But i realized there is no way that could happen. Because I would have to clean the tank, and where would I put chunk while I cleaned it? So one day when I am rich ill adopt one from sea world. Fly out once every two weeks and visit chunk.

I want to start a lingerie store:
me and heather talked about it once. But we realized we needed money to star a business. If anyone would like to donate a few thousand to our idea we would appreciate it.

Now these goals are mostly realistic. Mostly is the key word I know. And these are only a few goals I have. Maybe one day i will accomplish all of them.

Its a good thing we went running when we did, it looks like its gonna rain....and the tongan's are out.

At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just not facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world, six billion souls. And sometimes... all you need is one.

This week has been quite the learning experience. I've realized what i want and what i need to do to get there. I realized the people i need in my life and the people who aren't worth even a chance to be in it. There are people who can make you feel amazing, the people who make you a better person just by being around them. There are a few of those in mine. One i met at my work and has changed me to be a better person for forever. Some people can bring you so far down and make you feel terrible. Those are the ones who aren't worth the pain, tears, and sadness.

anyways, i have found a new favorite band this week theory of a deadman. Im going through my rock phase again. People don't see me as much of a rocker type. But then again im sure half the songs on my ipod would surprise a lot of people. found some more music on it, that i dont know how it got there. THere was some weird british rap...i was confused. Hope everyone has a wonderful sunday. I know i will. :)

T.H. White said: Perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically to those who hardly think about us in return

Everything happens for a reason. We fall in love with someone and then all the sudden they are gone, and all that is left is a big empty hole. We make mistakes and mess up. We say and do things we can never take back. But these are all our trials, the things that make us stronger and who we are. They build and shape us these trials. The trial isn't the thing that should be considered in great depth, it's the people who are there for you when you go through it. Friends and family are the ones that matter. The people that make these trials easier to deal with.

It took me a few months to figure this out but if you realize now that when your heart breaks, you got to fight like hell to make sure your still alive. Because you are. And that pain you feel? That's life. The confusion and fear? That's there to remind you, that somewhere out there is something better, and that something is worth fighting for.

I cannot wait till i find that. That simple beauty in love. To find someone to share something so beautiful with it makes all the pain and heartbreak worth it. That makes you have butterflies, and makes you feel like nothing in this world could ever bring you down or even touch you. That one guy that will be there when you need anything. Someone to share it with you for forever. Now, forever is a long time. Love is not something that can be messed with. Our hearts and simple and fragile. And this fragile thing called loves is complicated and all we can do is be careful and cautious and hope that that person does hurt us. But part of the beauty of falling in love is the fear we wont fall. This trial will help me to find something so amazing and so worth waiting for. And all worth these horrible boyfriends who cheat, lie, and hurt us. It will be worth all the weird dates. Well at least i hope it will. Time and all eternity is along time..so I guess I can wait a bit longer for the perfect guy for me :)

On that fine note, life is great right now. I live in provo with my three fabulous roommates. There the best. :) we have a good time. We did yoga tonight and I am very tired. My family is amazing and i love them all very much. My life is beautiful..so be jealous. Because not for a second would i take anything different, and i don't regret anything.

photographs and memories

You know it's been said that we just don't recognize the significant moments of our lives while they are happening. We grow complacent with ideas, or things or people and we take them for granted and it's usually not until that thing is about to be taken away from you that you've realized how wrong you've been that you realized how much you need it, how much you love it

6 and three quarters.

Have you ever heard the expression the best things in life are free? Well, that expression's true. Everything amazing in my life is the little things that we don't realize everyday. Life comes and goes and where it's headed no one knows. :)

Summer is almost here! And I am so excited!! I am so excited to lay in the sun and have no worries! I love love love summer!! I love shorts, driving with the window down, eating crushed ice with a spoon, late nights, summer camping trips, and playing with friends. Last summer was a blast, I probably was a little distracted with a boy...and I must apologize to her for that. But I still loved it.

In case anyone was wondering me and melissa have been practicing our tennis skills.. Here we come Wimbledon!!! holla!! We will be amazing again! So take that..

I just want to say how much I love old people. They are full of great wisdom and knowledge. I work with them and I absolutely love them. I have worked with them for 3 years and I have learned so much from them. They have some of the most amazing life stories. They are so strong and brave. I've met so many amazing people and made great friends. I caught one of the old ladies today without her teeth in, she was the cutest thing i have ever seen in my life. I wanted to put her in my pocket and take her home. All she does is smile all the time. There have been 5 of the people where I work who have influenced me more then anyone. All but one has passed away and I miss them very much. Oh old people...how I love them. I learned from one of them today that it is OK if my boyfriend knocked me up then left, because someone else will come along instead to take me to dinner...its OK I don't know what she was saying either.

General conference is this weekend and I am super excited!

• Number 1 i get to sleep in.
• B i get to watch general conference
• 3 General conference party Saturday night
• and d its Easter and everyone knows what that means!? Easter bunny is coming!

The Easter bunny has always scared me though... I never fully accepted the idea of a giant freakin bunny coming in my house while I was asleep. That was a no bueno with me! And he hid candy..in eggs, where does he get the eggs? It's all confusing to me.. but oh wells. It will be a fabulous week I hope! :)

I just want to say happy birthday to my beautiful sister!! I love you petra! and now that your old(23), I am sorry to say it's all downhill now for you! jk! but Hope you have a fabulous birthday tomorrow!!! maybe just maybe ill get you a present if your lucky...maybe a lapdance..if your lucky. Thats what I give as presents fyi. Just playin! Happy Birthday SISTER!! I LOVE YOU!!

ps
My new favorite song this week is By The Early November called out of my league.

pss. i love rain! please rain?! Because it makes me so happy! Thanks for tuning in to another update of what goes on in paigers head!!

Its not you its me, i dont like you

My thought for the day:
Stepping up. It's a simple concept. It basically means to rise above yourself; to do a little more Life's funny sometimes; it can push pretty hard like when you fall in love with someone but they forget to love you back like when your best friend leaves you alone like when you pull the trigger or light the flame and you can't take it back. Like I said, in sports they call this 'stepping up'. In life, I call it pushing back. So I have decided lately to push back. To push back at all the trials that life throws at me. And to be grateful for them and pray for more. :) because there is nothing else you can really do is there? So everyone who reads my weird blog and my weird thoughts make sure your stepping up. :)

so yesterday me and heather decided to not eat sugar..we will see how long that lasts. So far i have done good! one day down! go me! I found a new love today and it is wakey wakey. Amazing music!!

whats somebody like you doing in a place like this?

Ida Scott Taylor once wrote: Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.
Things I have recently learned:

• don't regret anything
• everything happens for a reason
• don't dwell on the bad things
• love every moment and live it up
• Bad things happen to everyone
  
• be grateful for your trials

on a less serious note it is spring break this week! and it had been awesome! i love not having school! its fabulous! me and Melissa took some of our little friends to the dinosaur museum. We learned all about fossils, and taradactiles. I ate a huge ice cream Sunday and it made me sick. Then me and Melissa decided to go hot tubing..but the water was cold and it wasn't heating up. But it was to cold to get out so we sat in the freezing tub of water for like a half hour. Good times!

Sunday I played a fabulous game of baseball, with my sister, brother and cuh cuh shelbey. I make quite the catcher.

So i have recently become obsessed with Joshua James and fink. They say everything I'm feeling...well mostly. But they are great music! I've been reading Chelsey handlers new book. And I must say its so so funny!! I love it!

Well today I discovered a new fear..i hate automatic car washes. You know the ones where you put your car in neutral and it just rolls your car through? Well today was my first time in one of those...i did not like it! well first this little man sprayed my car and as my car started rolling through he waved goodbye..That's what freaked me out. Then I started remembering all the scary movies involved in car washes. The final destination and the Crazies came into my mind. So I don't think i will be going to a car wash anytime soon.. I got a free car freshener out of it so that helped.
I'm sure I have much more to say, and many more stories but I cant think of it. I went for a run and I'm very tired now. Well thanks to all you who read about my random life! :)

I hope i see you soon, cause your fond of me and i am fond of you

so..apparently everyone has one of these blog things. Probably no one will read this, but i am ok with that. This is the interworkings of my head, it may not make sense but this is what goes on in my head and in my life. So here is my life for your entertainment.

So i dont know where to start so ill start with today. So last night a weird number called me and woke me up and because i was asleep i answered. No one there, or atleast i think no one was there. But i have a problem with sleeptalking/sleeptexting so i dont really remember what happened. I dont appreciate people calling me so late. Today I had school and i realized that school is no bueno..then i had a fabulous dinner date with my bestie melissa. We went to texas roadhouse where we had yummy rolls and lots of food. Every week or so we do our little dates cause we dont see eachother much, which is very sad. We are both busy with school and work and boys. But i love her very much and i am so grateful she is my best friend and always there for me. We had a good therapy session about life, which i miss those from when we usedto be roomies. And stay up late laughing and all the random moments we had. We wanted to go hot tubbing but then realzied melissa didnt have a swim suit, we thought about going in the nude or in the underwears but after thinking about for a while we decided not to.

I hate when your driving in your car and you don't remember how you got to that point..you dont remember driving. That happened to me today. I also hate when your listening to your music and a song comes on and half way through the song you realize they are singing in japanese and dont know how it got on you ipod. That happened to me today to. My life has these moments where i dont know how i got to where i am or i dont realize whats happening till halfway through it. My life is confusing and half the time I do not understand it or how I got here. And I wouldn't have it any other way. I love it.

You know the saying when life hands you lemons make lemonade? life is throwing lemons at me and I have to stand there and deal with it. Not tossed, thrown! It is one of those days when for a moment you miss someone or something, but not sure what or who it is. Or when everything seems to go right but it doesn't feel right. It doesn't make sense i know, but to me it does. In my crazy little head it makes sense. The good is mixed in with the bad and it's all very confusing. Some day my life will make sense, and ill figure it all out. Until then, ill enjoy the ride.

I just realized how much I miss the backstreet boys. They where a good time! You cannot say you didnt like the backstreet boys even a little.. because you would be lying to yourself. oh the days of boy bands, those where simple times. And my mind continues to have random thoughts and ideas running through my head. But its time to catch up on my favorite show criminal minds, which i am so glad i have found. Even though it gives me nightmares and makes me on edge all the time for crazy serial killers. I love it. I always think people are serial killers now thanks to that show.

Just a last thought for the night:

Robert Louis Stevenson once said, "You cannot run away from a weakness; you must sometimes fight it out or perish. And if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?"